As I think about my plans for this year, my mind keeps asking me: What do you want?

A year ago, I had just graduated from college. I had already been away from the college environment and working full-time for a few months, so this marker was just a formality. I spent most of my time working from home, carving out time to read Chinese, figure skate, read, journal, among other hobbies. I moved into another place where I now live with my needy cat. Most recently, I lost my job.

It’s been just a minute, and I’m feeling the career burnout that I expected to feel in my 30s. When I see myself in five years, I imagine the languages I would have learned, the places I would have lived, and the skills I would have garnered. I imagine my career as a set of life experiences that contribute to my overall growth, but it is never the shining star. I am even more sure of this given my (albeit limited) “experience” in the real world.

I wish I were going into this year filled with the hope and ambition I used to have, but as of now, I’m a bit drained on that front. I know what my personal goals are, but they seem pointless when I feel like I’m back to square one with my career. The thing is, I firmly believed I had carved out the perfect and only career path I saw for myself. So how am I supposed to come to terms that it’s not what I see myself doing, years from now?

Then again, I’m not having a good day today. My fears are amplified by a recent string of uncertainties, creating a feeling of unease that I just can’t shake off. It’s January and the weather is chilly; I’ll take a walk outside.

4 Comments

  1. All things will fall into places as adaptations are ingrained in us human. You and Mimi will be alright. ❤️. Try to relax, keep healthy , sane and motivated with what you love/like to do. It is okay to feel sad or confused sometimes. Love your keyboard/ electric piano self learning! Great outlet for some personal timeouts. Open communication channel with relatives and friends to your capacity. We all need some helping hands and ears with moving and adapting to change 🥰

    Some small detour in career path is okay. They add on to our life experience and definitely help with providing necessities of many facets including personal growth. The pandemic effects us all but like everything, it will eventually end. History proved that over many folds.

    Love 💕

    • Thanks for the tidbits of advice and the reassurance, Minou! I love how you framed it in terms of gaining life experience for our personal growth. That’s what I’m all about. All the love for you <3

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