I want to start over. Move to a new town. Make new friends and acquaintances. Live in a new home. Not necessarily have a new job, though (that is, if I work remotely).

I love that refreshing feeling of being new to a place, when every face you see is unfamiliar and getting lost is inevitable. It’s something that’s completely out of my comfort zone, yet I also crave that inevitable stage of discomfort, knowing that it’s temporary. After a while, I’ll find a hiking spot, stop getting lost (as much), and settle into a routine. I’ll cherish this stage of comfort – and start over again. I want to relive this stage of discomfort over and over again. I find it necessary to go through different transitional stages in life in order to grow.

This ‘transitional stage’ does not need to be so big. I don’t need to move to an entirely new country, nor do I need to move at all. But I do need to step out of my comfort zone every once in a while, and most often this means physically living the home that has become my haven of comfort. 

Another, more insecure, part of me craves moving to an entirely new place every few years because I’m somewhat afraid of seeing familiar faces in the places I frequent. I hate running into people I know at the market a few blocks from my place, at that new restaurant that I wanted to try out, or even walking around town. I hate running into people, especially when I’m not in a good state of mind and all I want to do is hide from everyone. Even when I’m doing ok, I fear running into people as much as I hated answering the phone as a kid (I’m pretty sure I had a phobia for phones as a kid). I hate being recognized by someone I took a class with, bumping into an old acquaintance, and having to make small talk. Sometimes it’s no big deal, but other times it can be awkward and preferably avoidable.

I know this trait is unhealthy and implies underlying insecurities, but as of now, I don’t have a solution for it. And this part of me screams at me to run away, to leave when they still have a good impression of me. I guess it also comes from my constant conflict of wanting to befriend people at times, yet not wanting to see them at other times. Sometimes at the same time. Thus, I want to be a stranger in a new town. But I can’t be a stranger to everyone forever, so I have to move.

-Michelle

3 Comments

  1. I also think this way sometimes my own house, job etc. But then I think will it be okay will everything will be alright. BUT I WILL TRY COMING OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE

  2. Hello Michelle!

    I can relate to how you’re feeling about meeting people you know when you don’t plan on meeting them. I can’t say it happens to me often, because I avoid unnecessary strolls around my block. I don’t go running, I prefer working out at home. I don’t meet friends often, I prefer to text. As much as I wish I’d stop feeling this insecure and awkward about normal things most people don’t overthink, I can’t deny I’ve accepted it, though, and that is because I believe that life is about growth (I don’t mean this literally, of course, I’m 157 cm “tall” which is rather short, lol) and that it is about the process one makes, so I sincerely believe that at some point, I am going to think differently about these normal situations and find meeting people in town less awkward. I am young and focused on getting good grades and at the same time trying to get to know myself. Being a teenager or a young adult can be tough and I don’t think forcing myself into social situations and hoping I’ll learn to like them that way is how I should start changing my way of thinking.

    I don’t take this “stepping out of one’s comfort zone” mindset that serious because to me it sounds like I have to experience things the hard way which shouldn’t be the case. If I want to learn being comfortable in specific situations, I don’t want to wish they were over already and dislike them even more. I want to do that at my own pace and whenever I feel ready to face something new.

    Michelle, I hope you have learned to accept this trait (for now). I believe that once a person accepts specific character traits even though they don’t like them, the process of improving and changing happens in a healthy way because the person feels no pressure of time as they often feel like they can only start accepting themselves the time they finish the process of changing.

    In conclusion, I want you to know that you are not the only one dealing with such traits, especially as a young adult, and that I sincerely wish you to find a solution 🙂

    Klara

  3. I can totally relate to this. I am now in my second year of college but it still feels like everything is new. I only made a couple of friends throughout my first year but I am familiar with most of the people in my batch because I had similar classes with them. It is such a pain to bump into them and try to fake a smile because if I would not, I think I might appear to be rude.

Leave a comment!

%d bloggers like this: